Surgery Day

The next morning I woke up and saw the whole lamanaria kit sitting on the windowsill, which meant I was getting them taken out and getting new ones put in. Noooo. L

The doctor came in around 8 in the morning and told me that we still weren’t sure what time they were doing the surgery, since I was an add on, but they were hoping for mid day. I went through the whole lamanaria insertion hell once again. I asked for percocets to hopefully offset that pain, but nope. That speculum was so brutal for some reason! So after that, there was nothing for us to do but wait.

I want to say that I couldn’t have done any of this without Matt by my side. He was amazing. Running home to take care of the dogs, returning back at midnight, sleeping in that awful chair next to my bed, watching crap tv with me, and bringing his laptop so we could watch Friends on Netflix. Love that guy so much.

The waiting wasn’t so bad, because I wasn’t really thinking about the sadness of the whole situation. It was all so medical, it was a distraction. I knew I had to do what I was about to do. Our whole entire pregnancy was a long drawn out series of disappointments and fear, that we were just relieved to finally have answers, even if the diagnosis was so terrible. It was out of my control, and I finally gave that control up. I was in the hands of my great doctor, my great nurses, and whatever path was laid out for me.

We got called for surgery around mid day. It felt like TV, getting wheeled down to the OR on my bed, with those big circular futuristic lights above me. The anesthesiologist was going to give me an epidural to numb me, but my doctor must have argued that and I would up getting gassed to oblivion, with a breathing tube down my throat. Next thing I knew, I woke up in recovery, with an irritated throat, and freezing like crazy again. All these random bouts of freezing must have been because they took so much blood from me, I have no idea. As groggy as I was, I tried to see if I felt any different physically. Maybe just a little.

They wheeled me back upstairs, and Matt found me, along with my mom, sister and her boyfriend, who were waiting in the waiting room during the surgery. I told them to go get some food while I woke up a little, and they brought me back ice cream and funnel cake. I was so happy to eat!  Matt’s family and my friend Gina and her mom came to visit me a little later. It definitely was a welcome distraction. One of the nurses came in while everyone was there with paperwork that needed to be signed, but she said she would come back later.

I can see why she did, they were cremation forms.

I stayed one more night, so they could keep an eye on my blood pressure as they took me off the medicine. I was happy to, I wasn’t ready to be on my own just yet. Unfortunately the air conditioner broke in our room, so that was a little rough. I insisted Matt go home and sleep in a real bed, but he didn’t want to leave me. Love him.

A few hours later, lots more bloodwork, vitals checked, and a birth control shot later, they released me and Matt took me home.

The hardest part was that I was leaving, on my own, and I felt like wasn’t a mom anymore.