Choosing a name

I found that it was really difficult to choose a name for our baby girl. It took me weeks. Friends and family had been asking if we decided on a name. I wasn’t settled on a name before all he hard times started, and I almost felt like I would know her name when I saw her. But I never got to see her. 

She had been through so much, and so I felt like her name should represent her strength and her short, delicate life. Many babies with her diagnosis don’t make this far, but she did. She was strong, like her mom and dad. I never got to see her or even feel her move, but I felt connected to her in that way. 

We decided on the name Lily, one of my favorite flowers. 

It’s been crazy how many people I know have told me their stories of loss, and one thing in particular stuck with me. A father with two daughters was telling me how him and his wife lost their first pregnancy. They only ever planned on having two children, and if that first child had made it, they never would have had their youngest daughter. They couldn’t imagine life without her. 

I really believe that everything happens for a reason. Right now this is such a hard thing to deal with, but I do believe that sometimes bad things happen for bigger things to come. 

It’s one of the many things I hang on to so I can make it through this.